God to introduce new base

Heaven-based deity God is to introduce a new base to the human genome, according to The Vatican.

“She’s pretty p*ssed at you guys” an unnamed source said.  “The human genome is her finest work and it took her a long time to get it right.  Now you guys look like you can sequence everyone on the planet for 50¢.  Do you have any idea how annoying that is?”

American genomics company Illumina recently announced plans for the HiSeq XXX 5000, a new platform that will deliver the 50¢ genome.  The new platform will be delivered on a number of small islands, and early adopters will need to purchase the island too, and support the local economy.  Analysts say this will cost upwards of $100billion.  The Broad Institute have already bought Indonesia in anticipation.

The Science Web were able to get an exclusive interview with God.

“I haven’t really been worried up until now” she said.  “It was still too expensive, and you guys couldn’t get the fiddly bits, like the centromeres, MHC, high GC regions, homopolymers.  That’s where I put all of the heritability”.

“But now!  50¢ genome!  It took me years to put that together and you guys can decode it in 5 minutes.  You also have PacBio and Oxford Nanopore to get the fiddly bits.  And don’t even get me started on CRISPR!  You’re trying to play God, and I’m the only one allowed to do that” she finished, before vanishing into thin air.

There are no details on the new nucleotide or what it will be called, though there is a high chance it will rhyme with G, C and T.  Details on the location and potential function are also lacking.  This will certainly disrupt the once competitive DNA sequencing market, and mythical sequencing company Ion Torrent were the first to announce they could sequence the new base.

Whilst we were able to get an interview with God, Michael Flatley (river dancer and CEO of Illumina) was too busy to comment.

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2 Responses to God to introduce new base

  1. jelka says:

    This blog is absolutely fantastic. I laughed so much!
    Please write on!!

  2. James says:

    Please let the new base be P.

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