Authors of Nature papers couldn’t give a damn what you think, survey finds

Researchers who publish in high impact journals, such as Nature, Science and Cell, couldn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks, a recent survey has found.

In recent years, high-impact journals have taken a lot of criticism from some parts of the scientific community, accused of publishing non-replicable or obscure results, incomplete methods or science that is just plain wrong.

Indeed, there is a suggestion that Science will be published in cartoon format from now on.

However, our survey has revealed that the authors of papers in Nature, Science and Cell simply don’t care.

“Basically, the minute my first paper was published in Nature, I received offers of tenure from 5 different Universities” our source said. “I have two funded PhD students, 3 funded post-docs and a $1m budget to set up my lab.  The paper has been cited over 100 times.  You think I give a *&^! what anyone else thinks?  I’m made!”

Another respondent continued “We know there’s a minority out there who criticise the top journals, but 99.9% of scientists would love to be us.  Papers in Nature, Science and Cell make a guy’s career and everyone else is just jealous.  As for Handy Randy Schekman?  Yeah, good luck with eLife, mate.  A lot of people want to create a high-impact journal; very few manage it”.

Several of the survey respondents had filled their survey in using gold leaf pen, and one included a picture of themselves driving away in their Porsche.

 

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One Response to Authors of Nature papers couldn’t give a damn what you think, survey finds

  1. Jim Bouldin says:

    Friggin’ hilarious and as they in the land whence Nature hails, “spot on”.

    Made my day, without question. Check that, made my year so far.

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