The G8 group of nations today expressed concern over the escalating hostilities within the Bioinformatics peninsula. Tension has been rising for many months now as Python gradually encroaches on the sovereign territory of Perl, R and Ruby; with increasing rhetoric from the Python camp suggesting all out war is imminent.
The Bioinformatics peninsula has enjoyed many decades of peace and economic growth as the three main programming languages lived happily alongside one another: Perl dominated the Western countries focused on text processing; R was favoured in the South where statistics and visualisation are the major outputs; and Ruby dominated the Northern territories, the favourite of a laid-back hipster gypsy tribe who don’t actually care about achieving anything of note.
However, there now exists a powerful faction of extremely aggressive Pythonistas, with groups spread throughout the peninsula, claiming that Python should be used for everything, to the exclusion of all other languages. The most extreme factions are demanding that the other programming languages be destroyed as they are “obviously inferior”.
We spoke with one of the Python faction leaders, identified only as BlahBlah BlahBlahBlahBlah: “Python is king. It is better than everything else at everything. It is faster than C, more visual than R or Java, better at stats than Matlab, better at text than Perl. It is the best. No question, no argument. No, I’m not listening. Your arguments mean nothing”
UN secretary general Spanky Spoon has offered to hold a workshop focused on peace talks on neutral territory, hosted by the pointless and inoffensive Julia language.