BREAKING. A 30,000 year old academic has been ‘brought back to life’ in Oxford, UK. The ancient academic was discovered hidden behind a huge pile of papers in an office at University College, Oxford.
Professor Chumley Windsor III, current occupant of the impossibly dusty and disorganised office said: “Like all academics, I print off 100s of papers every week, not to read, but simply to place into disorganised piles. Well, it seems like some time ago, this poor chap got walled into this office. I moved some papers around, and there he was!”
The academic was revived with a cup of tea, and is currently applying for renewal of tenure. Using the first words he had uttered for over 30,000 years, the academic claimed credit for crowd-sourcing the E coli outbreak in 2011.
More news to follow.