Venter to become God in 2016; Jesus to step down

HEAVEN.  J. Craig Venter, scientist, entrepreneur, and international superstar, is to assume the role of God in 2016, The Science Web has learned.

The current incumbent, Jesus, has been in the role since 0, and will step down in 2 years time, to make way for Venter.  Jesus will stay on in his roles of “son of God”, “holy spirit” and “saviour of the human race” (a role previously occupied by Venter).

Venter, who single-handedly first invented and then sequenced the human genome, has been interested in the role of God for some years, and 2016 will see him finally realise his long-term ambition.

Venter yesterday announced his plans to become immortal, using DNA sequencing.  Despite almost certain failure, this venture will see Venter become omnipresent, to add to his existing skills of omniscience and omnipotence.  These three, in combination with immortality, are seen to be key skills to enable a candidate to effectively carry out the role of God.

However, there been have objections from both the scientific and religious communites, and there is a growing pressure on Venter to prove his ability to come back from the dead.  Thousands of people have already volunteered to carry out the first half of the experiment.

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2 Responses to Venter to become God in 2016; Jesus to step down

  1. Update: Craig Venter announces that he now plans to become God in 2015. “Speed matters,” he is rumored to have said.

  2. Pingback: Autour du génome humain: Argent, gloire et santé | scienceabilly

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