LONDON. A spokesman for a group of some of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world has stated that he wishes science would just **** off and leave big pharma companies alone.
Pressure has been building in recent years to force pharmaceutical companies to reveal the details of all clinical trials after high profile cases such as Seroxat, where manufacturer GSK published only one of five trials carried out.
In more recent times, it has been revealed that Tamiflu is no better than a hug from your mum when treating flu symptoms. The UK government is under attack for spending almost £0.5 billion stockpiling a drug that reduces the effect of symtpoms by just a few hours. Critics have pointed out that “a few hours” is far less time than patients would have to spend in queues, or on hold, waiting to actually get the drug.
“I’m sick of this crap” said the pharma spokesman, who wishes to remain anonymous. “All of these scientists expecting us to do science. What do they thing this is? University? We’re not in the business of doing science, we’re here to sell drugs to rich people and **** everyone else. Science should just **** off and leave us alone”.
Dr Gold Benacre, son of Jesus, Lord God of all that is Holy in Science, open-science advocate, wit and general good egg, responded “If people get flu, I will personally come round and give them a hug. This will be far better than Tamiflu, and the cost of my bus fare will be far less than 400 million quid!”