Scientist accidentally publishes bitter, drunken, half-formed, barely coherent blog post

TEXAS, USA.  Late last month, Steve McKnight president of ASBMB, over-privileged white man, conqueror of peoples, scaler of mountains and an inspiration to everyone, received an e-mail; an e-mail we can all sympathise with.  Some people, some unworthy mortals, had reviewed his NIH grant and deemed it unfundable.  Steve was angry.  This kind of thing shouldn’t happen to scientific superstars such as he!

As many of us normal, average people might have done, Steve went out to drown his sorrows.  One whisky followed another, until after 50 shots (yes, 50, for as you know Steve is no mortal man), Steve was drunk, and he stumbled home.  On entering his house, he walked athletically and elegantly (for alcohol does not affect Steve’s other-worldly muscle control) down the hall and passed the door to his open study.  Glancing in, he noticed his open laptop… a flame of an idea in his quite brilliant mind, Steven sat down and got to work.

Unfortunately, even God-like intelligences are adversely affected by whisky, and the bitter piece that Steve wrote, angry at his grant rejection, was a barely coherent, offensive piece of utter shit, raging with half-formed ideas about how modern scientists were no better than “riff raff”, and how things were much better before the war.

“Sweet Lord, I only went and hit ‘publish’ instead of ‘delete'” Steve laments during our interview.  “I mean, sure – I do think I am at least 50% better then everyone else on the planet, and I do think that most people are fucking stupid, but, you know, you never want that kind of stuff to get out there, do you?  No-one is supposed to read it!” he carried on.

We left Steve alone, his mighty, incredible, brain-filled head in his hands.  We’re sure such an amazing, extraordinary, inspirational man will bounce back.

(for a bio of Steve, we recommend you read this)

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2 Responses to Scientist accidentally publishes bitter, drunken, half-formed, barely coherent blog post

  1. Everything in academia is fine and everyone who says differently must be ridiculed with ad hominem attacks.

  2. Anon says:

    Very interesting article but a couple corrections are in order. First, Steve doesn’t drink shots. He drinks straight from the bottle! Second, Steve doesn’t drink whiskey (a drink he feels is more appropriate for teenage girls, grandmothers and cleaning his tank). Steve drinks 100% ethanol, set ablaze if it is a cold night.

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