Edinburgh. A University administrator has demanded a new tool with which to emphasize parts of e-mails, having exhausted traditional methods such as bold, italics, red text and flashing text.
“The simple fact is that people ignore my emails” said Ima Jobsworth, a senior administrator at the University of Berwick. “In the early days I used bold and italics to emphasize parts of the text, and people paid attention” he contnued. “But then they figured out that the bold and italicised sections were just as irrelevant to them as the rest of the email, perhaps even more so”.
Ima continued: “I started using red fonts, and then yellow. Then I discovered how to highlight the background. Then I realised you could make text flash by using certain HTML tags. I used them all. Nothing worked. My utterly irrelevant emails remained unread, or even worse, deleted.
Email fatigue within the academia is a serious problem, with many researchers receiving upwards of 500 emails per day. Despite this, the University Administrators Union has promised to increase pointless emails by 10% each year.
“What we need are new tools” continued Ima. “We need to think outside of the box. I have put forward a proposal to integrate a loud klaxon noise into emails, I think about 65 decibels should do it. If researchers don’t read my emails, the klaxon would sound for 10 minutes. Maybe we could get a spray that would show up under UV light too. That might work”