Oxford Nanopore release breakthrough technology

Oxford, UK.  TheScienceWeb have learned that Oxford Nanopore technologies are to announce a breakthrough new technology at AGBT in Florida next month.

The new “technology” will be roughly human sized, and instead of sequence data, will output well-written and informative articles about the MinION in a format suitable for submission to Nature journalsThe new “machine” is called the LomanION, and is available for hire now.

“We’re really excited about this” said Clive ‘Divine’ Brown, chief technical technician at Oxford Nanopore Technologies.  “Users who are familiar with the ONT online store will be able to order the LomanION from tomorrow.  Within 2-3 days, Nick Loman will arrive at your address, give a seminar, and then begin to write high quality articles about the MinION.  You can submit them wherever you like, but they are formatted for Nature.  As an added bonus, in the evening the LomanION will whip up some amazing BBQ” Brown continued.

Rumours are now rife on social media that another new machine, the QuickION, will be available in 2016.  Sold alongside the LomanION, the QuickION will actually do all of the work that the LomanION will write about.

 

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2 Responses to Oxford Nanopore release breakthrough technology

  1. Frank says:

    “Putting the “omic” into comical….”

  2. Neringa says:

    Gosh, I sooo much expected something on this: https://www.genomeweb.com/scan/new-major-cancer-agent-identified-bad-luck
    – but I guess the article in itself is so ridiculous and absurd that it wouldn’t be a good sport to make a joke on it…

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