Every biologist now an expert in precision medicine

LONDON, UK.  A recent survey carried out by The ScienceWeb has revealed that every single biologist in the world has now declared themselves an expert in precision medicine, even those who have never worked in human biology before.

“As soon as I saw that announcement from Obama, I knew I had to become an expert in precision medicine” said Dr Joey Batter from the University of the Bahamas.  “I didn’t even know what it meant, so I looked it up on Wikipedia.  And now I’m an expert.  It doesn’t matter that I’ve spent my entire career studying the mating rituals of the greater-spotted purple spider frog.  I’m into precision medicine now” she finished.

Not all are happy though.

“I’ve been saying that precision medicine is the future since 1984!” said Dick Spotson of the Roslin Institute.  “And it was, back then … and it’s still the future now!  I don’t know if I’m still right, or very, very wrong – it’s like groundhog day.  We called it  pharmacogenomics back then.  When is this f*cking future going to happen then, eh?” he finished angrily.

In other news, Ewingsworth Barney III (an expert in precision medicine) has been made co-lord-king-overseer at the EBI (Extra Bioinformatics Information).  Alf Rottweiler has been promoted to work alongside him in case anyone asks Ewingsworth a question about proteins.

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One Response to Every biologist now an expert in precision medicine

  1. RamRS says:

    I’m assuming I’m new here because I can recognize the scientists named in the article, yet no one is making a big deal out of this. Has this become commonplace and have I been left biting the dust?

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