BOSTON. The entire human species has been advised to convert their genome to GRCh37 by the GATK Best Practices team at the Broad Institute, The ScienceWeb has learned.
GRCh37 is the previous version of the human genome reference. Last year, a rogue team of militant terrorist bioinformaticians within the Genome Reference Consortium released GRCh38, a hellish combination of core chromosomes, patches, unplaced contigs and alternate loci. In one fell swoop they broke every single bioinformatics pipeline ever written.
“Enough is enough” said Geraldine Van Damme, former martial arts expert and now head of the GATK team. “We took one look at GRCh38 and though ‘that’s it, we’re sticking to GRCh37 and never moving’. We’re therefore recommending that every human on the planet converts their genome to GRCh37. They should use CRISPR or something. It’s going to make our lives a lot easier” she finished.
However, not everyone agrees. Deanna Cathedral, formerly Head of Anything Useful at the National Church of Biology Idiots (NCBI) said: “This reminds of the early days of the human genome project, when Frankie Collins suggested we try and genetically modify everyone to be haploid. It’s just not realistic” she concluded.