Virginia. After yet another study was published demonstrating exactly zero link between vaccines and the onset of autism, even amongst high-risk groups, scientists have come up with an innovative solution to end the anti-vaccine movement once and for all.
“We have a new treatment, especially designed for anti-vaxxers” our source said, wishing to remain anonymous for some reason. “It’s perfect – completely organic, it’s a plant extract actually. It guarantees that anyone who takes it will never contract another disease from the moment they take it to the end of their lives” they finished, smiling wistfully.
“What we want to do is target the parents first” said another source, also wishing to remain anonymous. “It’s not the kids making the choice to avoid vaccines, so we’ll try this out on the parents first. We’ve had enough of the arguing and bickering now, we just want this all to end”
“I honestly think this is the perfect solution” our first source continued. “This product is completely natural, extracted from a particular type of bean. It’s got no mercury, no formaldehyde, no aluminium. Just a perfectly natural, organic compound. They just need to take it once and they’ll never have another anti-vax thought” they finished.
The new programme, called “The Natural Solution”, will start in California next week, and hopes to reach all anti-vaxx parents within a few days.