LONDON, UK. Your favourite sequencing company is about to sh*t all over your plans once again, by releasing an update that breaks all of your bioinformatics pipelines, and requires you to buy expensive new hardware, it has been revealed.
“It doesn’t really matter which one it is” said Dr Loose Matt from the University of Nottingham “they all do it. I was once sold an upgrade only to be told within 30 seconds that the machine had been upgraded again and I needed to buy that one too” he finished.
Whether it’s changing the format, increasing throughput or just coming out with completely new data and algorithms, ever since the great sequencing wars of 2007-2010 companies have been f*cking with everyone’s business plan and sleeping patterns.
It is now recommended that when purchasing any new sequencing instrument, scientists should buy a computer bigger than Mars and hire a 50-strong team of bioinformaticians to cope with the fallout as upgrades to the machine happen every 30 seconds and file formats change in real time.