“We’ve bought every single piece of cool kit and still no-one calls”, says genome centre

SOUTH EAST.  A genome centre has complained that despite investing millions of tax-payers money buying every single piece of cool genomics kit that’s ever been produced, in a seemingly random fashion, still nobody calls them and the kit remains in its plastic wrapping.

The Centre for Analysing Things (TCAT) was set up ten years ago to carry out genome sequencing, and was initially famous for stealing sequencing machines from Sanger’s bins.  However, subsequently TCAT have jumped on every single bandwagon, backed by millions of pounds from their funders, including metabolomics, single cell sequencing, big data, gamification, training and HPC.

“The problem is” said Daniel Goose, head of tools and platform 9¾ “no-one has every called, nor e-mailed.  Not a single person.  Not one person.  No-one wants to collaborate with us.  All this stuff, going right back to the SOLiDs, is still in its packaging.  We’re more like a museum than anything else.  Luckily we kept the receipts, so maybe we can get a refund” he finished.

Matt “Clark” Kent, head of new technologies, who is also superman, said “I have loads of cool ideas.  Literally tons of really cool things I could do with these machines.  I just need someone, anyone, to send us a sample.  Just one.  I just want some DNA.  Please?”.

When The ScienceWeb visited we found the entire bioinformatics department immersed in a huge game of World of Warcraft, which they had running on their SGI Ultra 10Tb RAM machine, bought primarily to aid in genome assembly.

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One Response to “We’ve bought every single piece of cool kit and still no-one calls”, says genome centre

  1. Pingback: Academic website reaches peak bullshit | The Science Web

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