Loud, annoying scientists still dominating conference calls

USA.  The loud, brash and annoying scientists that everyone secretly hates are still dominating weekly conference calls and collaborative scientific discussions, much to the annoyance of the polite, shy but very good scientists who end up fixing everything quietly afterwards, a new study has shown.

“It’s so annoying!” said ‘Phil’, undercover of anonymity and using a pseudonym.  “We’re on the conference call and the chairperson asks for volunteers to carry out a task.  Of course, I am painfully shy, and I would never vounteer for anything in case I upset someone else who wanted to do it; but what I don’t expect is for some noisy fool to step up and loudly proclaim their intention to do the task.  I just have to sit there and quietly fume, all the while planning how I will fix their half-finished work” he finished, visibly annoyed.

“The problem is” said Gunther Knockwurst, first author of the study “… the problem is that as soon as you ask for volunteers, the busy people, i.e. the good people, they’re busy because they’re good, they don’t volunteer.  No, no – the people who volunteer are those who have time on their hands.  Why do they have time on their hands?  Because they are stone-cold idiots, people that no-one in their right mind would assign tasks to” he finished.

The study, published in PLOS TWO (similar philosophy to PLOS ONE, but does not require actual scientific evidence), also found that academic science selects for arrogant, loud, brash, annoying men who are capable of ruthlessly marketing their own brand, regardless of scientific ability.

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