“Scientists” call on Obama to fund The Unified Contaminant Initiative

Chicago.  A collection of the world’s weirdest and wackiest science fiction and fantasy authors, called collectively “microbiome researchers”, who have created some of the most outrageous fiction in recent times, have called on president Barack Obama to fund their next fantasy novel, called “The Unified Contaminant Initiative”.

Set in a parallel universe where everything on Earth, from diseases to space stations, is controlled by microbes commonly found in water and laboratory reagents, the work is set to cost billions and will be controversial as it will take money away from other work that relies on government funding, such as “science”.

“We have already seen how our fantasy work on the ‘microbiome’ can cross over into science, and we know that doesn’t work” said Gilbert Jack, Professor of Microbiomes at University of the Planet.  “so we need to keep ‘microbiomes’ and ‘real science’ completely separate, I am convinced of that” he finished.

Fellow author Sir Knight of Rob added “We saw what those Brain Initiative guys did and we were so goddamn jealous.  What the brain folk did was show that you can translate hype directly into government funding, and we thought ‘There is no field with more hype than microbiome, so let’s get us some of that cash'”.

TheScienceWeb mentioned that perhaps epigenetics could rival microbiome in terms of hype, to which Sir Knight said “Well, epigenetics has some amazing hype, some amazing fantasy stories too, but those guys still can’t approach microbiome for amazing, unbelievable, fantastical stories”

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