Author Archives: jovialscientist

That big expensive project was definitely not a complete failure

The World.  That massive science project, the one that cost millions of dollars, employed hundreds of people and achieved almost nothing of any worth, was definitely not a failure, The ScienceWeb have learned. The Data Underlying Molecular Biology (DUMB) project was … Continue reading

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Craig Venter uses millions of genomes to predict sunrise

CALIFORNIA. Jean Craig Van Venter has used a massive computer and millions of genomes to predict that tomorrow, between 5 and 6am, the sun will rise and morning will happen. This amazing result has been published in the BSD Journal … Continue reading

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Genomics England decide to just impute from 1000 genomes data

London, UK.  Due to the sheer lunacy of trying to sequence 100,000 people with only a few people and five laptops, Genomics England have decided to instead just impute from 1000 genomes data. Jo Caulfield, comedienne and head of the project, … Continue reading

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Owners of Illumina MiniSeq delighted at shitter, more expensive data

San Diego.  Early adopters of the Illumina MiniSeq platform have reported that they are “absolutely delighted” that they are now capable of producing much shitter data than their University genomics facility, and at a far higher price. Professor Stupid, one … Continue reading

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New workshops in “Software Dickery” announced

Michigan, USA.  The software carpentry foundation, who run the hugely popular “Software Carpentry” and “Data Carpentry” workshops, have announced a new range of workshops called “Software Dickery”. Announcing the new range, Will Gregson had this to say: “What we noticed … Continue reading

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Preprints definitely shit, say publishers

LONDON, UK.  Preprints, papers uploaded to the internet before they are peer reviewed, are definitely shit, according to a group of publishing companies who have a vested interest in seeing them fail. “The problem with preprints, is, well they’re just … Continue reading

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The Hero of Science

A guest post by Derek Blander, the most amazing scientist of all time…. In 1957, the world was bequeathed a gift – one of the greatest scientists to ever live was born – me.  This post details some of my … Continue reading

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