That big expensive project was definitely not a complete failure

The World.  That massive science project, the one that cost millions of dollars, employed hundreds of people and achieved almost nothing of any worth, was definitely not a failure, The ScienceWeb have learned.

The Data Underlying Molecular Biology (DUMB) project was awarded $100M in 2014, jointly funded by USA and EU funding agencies, and aimed to do something which you (the reader) knew was impossible.  However, it involved lots of old professors with wiggly moustaches, so many in the press reported it as having already succeeded before it started.

However, as the years went by and absolutely nothing happened apart from a pointless “position paper”, weekly conference calls that were so tedious they turned anyone who attended to stone, and endless project managers were employed, concerns rose that the project may be in trouble.

However, today The Science Web have learned that DUMB was a complete triumph, despite the complete lack of any kind of visible impact.  Press releases have been circulated to all outlets and we are happy to say that the $100M was well spent, the major finding of the research being that a larger, more focused project should be funded, called DUMBER, costing $500M and lasting 5 years.

And no, you’re not involved.


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