Real science found to be contaminating microbiome studies

Birmingham, UK.  In a result that has shocked the entire field, researchers led by Dr Callum Porker at the University of Aberdeen have revealed that some microbiome studies are becoming contaminated with real science.

“For ages, microbiome research has been like a really bad B movie” said Dr Porker yesterday.  “You know, wild claims… alien bacteria that cause everyone to turn into zombies, people swimming in lakes who swallow algae and turn into cannibals, that type of thing” he continued.  “But increasingly we’re finding weird contamination in microbiome papers that looks actually real – like, you know, an actual real scientific result” he finished.

The paper, published today in BMC Couldn’t Get In To Genome Biology, has caused quite a stir, with many scientists jumping on the bandwagon, such as Dick Spotson at the University of Edinburgh.  “I’m really glad this is out now, I’ve been presenting these results as if they’re my own for some time” said Dr Spotson.

However, perhaps unsurprisingly, the results were not taken well by everyone.  “Who the hell do these guys think they are?”  said Gilbert Jack, Professor of Microbiomes at University of the Planet.  “If we wanted real science, we’d have done real science.  Microbiome doesn’t need facts or statistics or reality!  If people who work in our field want to say that soil bacteria cause cancer and algal viruses cause stupidity, they should be allowed to do so.  Get off my lawn!” he finished, red faced.