All other languages tired of Python’s shit

New Zealand.  A recent survey of software languages has revealed that every single one of them is sick to the back teeth of Python telling them it’s better than everything else for everything.

Python, the most recent most popular programming language that will die in a few years time, has somehow managed to culture a following of developers who react to it with religious zeal.  Called Pythonistas within the Python religion, they are generally referred to as “pricks” by everyone else.

“It’s bullying, quite frankly” said Perl, a language once popular amongst developers.  “I basically can’t go out now.  As soon as I step outside of the house, a Pythonista/prick starts shouting in my ear about how shit I am.  It’s really disturbing”.

“I can’t believe they think they’re better than me at visualisation” said R.  “I mean, of course internally I am a mess, but my graphs are infinitely beautiful and you can just do so much more in me than you can do in Python.  And I don’t have problems with versions” R finished, sarcastically.

“Fuck Python, they don’t have Rails!” was all Ruby had to say, whilst a collective known as the C-mafia, representing C, C++ and C# just laughed in our faces when we mentioned Python as a serious programming language.

The ScienceWeb tried to call Java, but no-one was home.

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19 Responses to All other languages tired of Python’s shit

  1. RamRS says:

    Disclaimer: Not a Pythonista

    Dude, R, you may not have a problem with versions but you definitely gotta get your shit together. Have you looked at yourself in a mirror? Why do you wantonly contort your limbs so? And how many fingers do you have in each hand? 5? 15? 500? And how do you have fingers, toes as well as nostrils in your hand?

    Seriously though, Python can be a bit overrated at times.

  2. RamRS says:

    Reblogged this on ls -l *.thoughts and commented:
    Python is not a fad, but it definitely overrated!

  3. Igor Nikolskiy says:

    I don’t think C gets enough credit. Sure, C doesn’t love you. C isn’t about love–C is about thrills. C hangs around in the bad part of town. C knows all the gang signs. C has a motorcycle, and wears the leathers everywhere, and never wears a helmet, because that would mess up C’s punked-out hair. C likes to give cops the finger and grin and speed away. Mention that you’d like something, and C will pretend to ignore you; the next day, C will bring you one, no questions asked, and toss it to you with a you-know-you-want-me smirk that makes your heart race. Where did C get it? “It fell off a truck,” C says, putting away the boltcutters. You start to feel like C doesn’t know the meaning of “private” or “protected”: what C wants, C takes. This excites you. C knows how to get you anything but safety. C will give you anything but commitment

    In the end, you’ll leave C, not because you want something better, but because you can’t handle the intensity. C says “I’m gonna live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse,” but you know that C can never die, not so long as C is still the fastest thing on the road.

  4. decourse says:

    Hating on Pythonistas is probably the only thing that can get C++ and C# in agreement.

  5. nooface says:

    Meanwhile, PHP is chilling in the corner, looking at his watch & waiting to get back to work

    • dkf says:

      Unfortunately, PHP’s work does involve blowing big holes in banks, shops, homes and other random buildings, all in order to put in advertising hoardings.

  6. me says:

    If you don’t know C, you don’t know Python, you just use it. If you don’t know C++… you live a blessed life.

    As for C#, it’s essentially Java for the MS ecosystem with a few superficial language tweaks (well, they were superficial last time I looked– MS employ a lot of very capable people in a way that reminds me of Renaissance artists required to do religious commissions).

    • Tony says:

      ‘If you don’t know C, you don’t know Python, you just use it. If you don’t know C++… you live a blessed life’ – these statements basically highlight that you don’t have the mental capacity to learn more than one language or understand the rationale behind a pure OOPL, so please only post on Python blogs where you’ll find many other simple-minded people.

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  8. Jhake says:

    Perl 5 is dead, Perl 6 is a dead end

  9. Malbuyer says:

    Tom Cruise’s fan looks at Tom Hankss fan, “My Tom is better looking than your Tom.”
    Tom Hanks’ fan responded sarcastically, “As a family man, my Tom is looking better than yours.”
    And Brad Pitt’s is sitting silently at a corner, “My idol has the better charisma among them…”, so he thought.

    But, one day, they all get old, and die.

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  11. John Smith says:

    Personally, C like languages feel intuitive because of how the syntax is structured. Specifically talking about curly braces here. I think it helps make blocks of code more organized. Using things like begin and end seem a bit excessive and off putting. With Python, you are FORCED to indent code. While this is very good practice in any type of programming, forcing its use just seems to be taking things a bit far. I dunno, C++ and Java like code look more neat.

  12. PekeSaurus says:

    Python really is just a huge pile of crap. There really shouldn’t be even need to justify that opinion. Python isn’t even about shooting oneself in the foot. It’s more like aiming straight for the head. You want something done quickly, use Python, maybe. You want something to be done right, use more strongly typed and organized language that can also be maintained by someone other than you. Even installing that turd is a pain if you’re using multiple platforms. What other language can have it’s packet/library manager crap it’s pants, and actually hide it, in even simple tasks if you have a “wrong” environment variable somewhere? The documentation is a joke and when you ask even something basic on python forums, you’ll get an answer that is nowhere near the problem because you can’t give enough data about the problem because even the compiler/interpreter doesn’t apparently know what the problem is, heaven forbid that it would tell you anything useful to point you to finding solutions. I’ve had more fun with COBOL and that’s quite something. I actually find Brainfuck more logical than Python.

  13. Stijn says:

    “Tried to call Java”? Let it ring how many times? They may not have gotten to the phone in time…

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